I feel like that today. A failure. This morning as I got in the shower I cried. I sobbed; feeling sorry for myself that I have completely, completely, completely let myself go. I'm not that active person I used to be. I'm not that person who hardly ever watched TV. I'm not the person that would have an easy time breathing while falling asleep.I'm not the person that loved doing my hair and make-up everyday, and getting all cute for the day. I'm not the person that used to care about how my closet looked; how everything had to be in it's place, colors couldn't be mixed up.
Now, I don't care at all! I was putting some laundry away Saturday morning and I started to hang up a shirt that was inside out. Ryan said, "umm, it's inside out". I replied in a very smart-aleky way, "I don't care".
Where have I gone?
A long time ago there was a word that I knew I NEVER EVER was, and that was LAZY. I remember telling Ryan when we first got married to never ever say that I was lazy, because I knew I wasn't. I was always a hard working.
Well, guess what. I'm lazy, very lazy!
I want to sit and do nothing. I want to eat anything I want to...and I do...and I don't care. That's the problem. I should care. I NEED to care, and I do...but I don't know how to change this.
I keep wanting a magic pill to kick start things, but I know that's not the way to do it.
I need some major help!!! Anyone out there willing to push me?!?!?!?
4 comments:
Oh, of course I'll be there for you albeit 400 miles away! What do you need me to do? Just tell me & I'll help in any way that I can.
I'm a little late on this one, but I read a quote this weekend that said, "Eating bad is not a reward. It is a punishment."
It's so true. I hope that helps in some way. Kelli
So late in reading this but I understand what your feeling in different ways. Gotta start small...once you can accomplish and get the desire to do the little things the bigger things will fall into place and it helps to be accountable. Make yourself accountable in some way...if not for yourself for your husband and future kiddos. You deserve to be happy and healthy so you can enjoy life to the fullest!!! Life is too short. You're beautiful and have the most awesome personality. You are NOT a failure! Pick yourself back up and move forward and believe in yourself!! I'll shut up now :)
I know this post is from a few months ago, but if you EVER want a gym buddy (I go to Golds), I'll go with you any time I can! I could even be your Jilian Michaels if you want. : ) You're beautiful, Shannon, inside and out. It's all about taking it one step at a time.
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