I feel like that today. A failure. This morning as I got in the shower I cried. I sobbed; feeling sorry for myself that I have completely, completely, completely let myself go. I'm not that active person I used to be. I'm not that person who hardly ever watched TV. I'm not the person that would have an easy time breathing while falling asleep.I'm not the person that loved doing my hair and make-up everyday, and getting all cute for the day. I'm not the person that used to care about how my closet looked; how everything had to be in it's place, colors couldn't be mixed up.
Now, I don't care at all! I was putting some laundry away Saturday morning and I started to hang up a shirt that was inside out. Ryan said, "umm, it's inside out". I replied in a very smart-aleky way, "I don't care".
Where have I gone?
A long time ago there was a word that I knew I NEVER EVER was, and that was LAZY. I remember telling Ryan when we first got married to never ever say that I was lazy, because I knew I wasn't. I was always a hard working.
Well, guess what. I'm lazy, very lazy!
I want to sit and do nothing. I want to eat anything I want to...and I do...and I don't care. That's the problem. I should care. I NEED to care, and I do...but I don't know how to change this.
I keep wanting a magic pill to kick start things, but I know that's not the way to do it.
I need some major help!!! Anyone out there willing to push me?!?!?!?
