I deserve it.

trying to lose weight, get healthier is the story of my life. It's my life long trial. It's something that I will be working on forever.

Although, I don't want to keep yo-yo'ing through life. 

I want to find myself, make peace with who I am, and live life in a healthy manner. 

I don't want to do it in vain. I don't want to get skinny and then decide that since I'm skinny I can now eat whatever I want. I've done that before - many times before - thus the reason for my constantly losing and then gaining, etc etc. 

I've spent 35 years worrying about my weight. Unhappy. Self Conscious. Too scared to do anything in life because of the way I look. 

I'm done with that! 

DONE I SAY!

I feel like I need to avenge the younger version of me that has always been so unhappy, so shy, so wanting to be happy. I need to be happy for her, for me. I need her to know that I can be happy if I want to. It's up to me. No one can decide that for me. It's all me. 

I need her to know that I make life what it is. If I eat crappy, then I will feel crappy - ashamed - guilty. 

Change is here to stay...not come and go.

Happiness is here to stay, because I choose it. 

It's amazing how little things will bring about a change like this. It's amazing how doing a few things for myself can help build me up. 

Simple things like making sure I wash my face each night before going to bed (taking my make-up off),  doing my hair and make-up in the morning before work, and not just throwing it up in a pony tail, and then doing my make-up at work because I was late. I am making time for myself. I'm making time to do things that are important, because I am important. 

I'm eating good because I want to. I'm not doing it as a diet. I'm doing it to be good to me, because I deserve good things.

Sugar makes me un-happy. Like way un-happy. I remember feeling that in 2011 when I got off sugar. Emotionally I felt amazing! Physically...well...it's a given. Felt the best I ever felt. 

Sugar gets my emotions all crazy. I'm a crazy woman when I have sugars and refined sugars. Just ask my husband. Poor guy.

So, now it's been a week and a half since I've been off and I feel amazing. Down 5 lbs. yay! 

Again, it's not a diet. It's me doing something good for me. 

Finding my inner peace, and inner beauty. It's there, I've just locked it up for so many years because I didn't feel that I deserved it. And gosh darn it I DO!

Who's with me??!?!?